According to thinkexist.com the meaning and definition of the word CHANGE is: A passing from one phase to another - as, a change of the moon; To alter by substituting something else for, or by giving up for something else - as, to change the clothes; to change one's occupation; to change one's intention; To alter; to make different; to cause to pass from one state to another - as, to change the position, character, or appearance of a thing; to change the countenance; To be altered; to undergo variation - as, men sometimes change for the better.
Life is all about changes and I could very well be one of those who know that better than some, especially if taking into consideration major crisis moments.
I am a firm believer that changes, good and bad or negative and positive happen for a reason. I know in the moment that can be unfathomable and our questions are not easily answered. Sometimes they are never answered in this lifetime, at least not to our degree of comprehending.
I also believe, with every fibre of me, that each and every single change is a life lesson. And yes, I continue to learn. I am most grateful and humbled in knowing the majority of the changes in my life journey have been changes for my highest good.
Why am I experiencing such soppy emotions today? I seem to be in a very reflective funk. Just as I have for the last 32 years on May 29th. Why? Simply because 32 years ago on this very day I gave birth to my one and my only child, my miracle baby, my son Trevor John … aka TJ.
I feel such pride and love for this precious blessing of mine, just as I have for 11,680 days, but there’s something extra special about this very day … it’s something which goes beyond description and it’s rooted so deeply within my core, my being, that it just bubbles and gurgles its way to the surface today.
On this day, I would be remiss in not thanking the man who was fifty percent responsible for allowing me to know the wonders and the joy of motherhood. He was the first man I ever kissed and fell in love with. We were married for 24 years. In spite of our differences and taking separate paths, thank you Richard John, from the bottom of my heart for our precious son. Because of him, you and I will always be connected even though we live separate lives today. I am humbled and thank you for your friendship.
As for my little boy he is a loving, handsome, intelligent grown man with a very busy life of his own. He works hard and he plays even harder...whenever he gets a chance. He has a lovely home, a wonderful wife and a beautiful, precious child of his own ... a daughter on the edge of one year old. And perhaps that fact in itself is cause for even greater reflection of the changes I have made in my life journey and the path I am following now.
It’s a path that has taken me four provinces away from my son … mainly because I felt a sense of urgency to answer my nagging question, "is this all there is?" With every tick-tock of my proverbial clock it became more and more obvious that I wasn’t living life to the fullest. I was just existing, whether it was the daily routine of go to work, come home, walk the dog, eat, sleep, get up and do it all over again, or waiting for appointments to see the ones I loved, or being surrounded by negative energy or spinning my wheels in attempting to make a new start … I just knew there had to be more to this journey of mine. And perhaps even find my soul mate in the process, or at least be in the zone and open to where he can find me! lol And if not at least I get to experience living, working and playing in paradise.
I don’t think our Creator intended for us to be alone … he didn’t build us that way. Yes of course we can be independent and self-sufficient and embrace our own space, but as human beings there’s a core desire and need to share with someone. To share our happy and our sadness ... to touch and be touched.
I was totally alone, unconnected, uncared for, unvalued and unloved. That’s how I felt a year ago, and that’s why I made the decision to make a major change in my life. To change where I live. To change my friends. To change my outlook. To change direction. And it continues to be a very exciting adventure. I feel and know that I’m alive and well … probably for the first time in a very long time.
So to those who love me but feel disappointed, embarrassed or ashamed of me and how I’m living my life, don’t take it personally … this isn’t about you… and it’s not just about me either. It’s about all of us here on this earth, how we all need to change by respecting and accepting each other for who we are in spite of personal changes that we don’t always agree with. We need to listen to our own individual truth and live by it. That’s exactly what I’m doing ... without regret.
Oh happy day of your birth dear Trevor. Thank you for being and for teaching me how to love completely and unconditionally. May all your life’s changes be exactly what you want them to be.
Love you forever
MOM xo
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